True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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