my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
