Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
this is an emotional support booty call
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
