I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
