Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
