all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
