I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
