The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
