Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
