Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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