He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
