i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
