The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
