She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
