Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
