Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
