shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
