I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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