FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
