Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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