Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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