someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
