There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
"it" just moved
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
