This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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