return my video game
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
