I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
