I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
