If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
