There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Less talking, more tequila
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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