rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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