my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
