Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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