I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
