I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
