Porn is love you can see.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
