i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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