Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
