thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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