I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
