is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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