Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
