I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
