marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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