she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ok first of all what the fuck
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
