Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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