I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
