I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
