If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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