For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
