ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
