Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
