apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
