and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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