I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
