this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
