he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
love makes seman taste better
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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