I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
