You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
